My story isn't the best, hardest, or even the most inspiring one, at that. It's mine though, and I treasure it for what it is; real. There are so many aspects of my life that I didn't think would quite come out the way they have. I expected to "live the American dream." Graduate high school, go to college, fall in love, have a family, all while pursuing my dream career. Whatever that was.
The thing is, though, I think everyone has it all wrong. I don't think the "American dream" is white picket fences with a two story house. In my own honest opinion, I think it's more the struggle to be successful, despite all that stands in our ways. So many of us have different versions of success that I don't think the "American dream" should be so... limited.
Most of my childhood I wanted to be a veterinarian. I LOVED animals so much. They were the best listeners! After I grew up some I decided it really wasn't for me. I went through most of my life changing my mind on what I wanted to "grow up" to be. My vast wants went from making video games, to being a lawyer, to even earning myself a degree in computer networking. Did I mention massage therapy? I went to school for that, too.
Even after obtaining one associates degree, and lacking in a certificate for professionally rubbing people, I still wasn't happy with what I was doing. I still felt a lack of.. something! I could never figure out what was missing in my life to make me happy and passionate about what I was doing.
I'm really not even sure how this happened, I just found her. It could have been from a picture on social media that probably had a fake quote. I guess it could have even been from my recently found love of the 50's. Whatever it was, I found Marilyn Monroe and I have loved her ever since. The more I researched her and picked through the lies, the more I fell in love. Her persona was like no one else, even on today's standard. Her confidence in front of a camera was clear. Yet, the more I learned, the more I found out about all of her insecurities.
(If you want to learn more about Marilyn Monroe, please go to www.immortalmarilyn.com. There is a great community of people there that have helped me learn so much about her!)
It was this confidence that led me to want to try modeling, because if Marilyn could feel this way, I could too right? In theory, maybe. I can tell you that I never felt more pretty than when I was in front of a camera. Looking over the photographer's shoulder to get myself a sneak peak of their work would excite me, then the final product would make me long for more.
There was still something missing, though. As much as I loved to model for my favorite local photographers, I was often more fascinated with everything else! How did they get rid of my zit that day? Why does this lighting look better than that lighting? What does this button do? The list went on and on of questions I had!
I finally picked up a camera, and now I had what Marilyn did; Passion! So maybe I don't owe it all to Marilyn, but I do feel she played a pretty vital role for me. I continue today trying to perfect my art in an ever growing field. I embraced it and now I have what was missing in my life. I get to create beautiful images of other women, so they get to feel how I did when I modeled. We should all get to feel like Marilyn Monroe in front of a lens. I just happen to be one of those people that want to capture that essence.
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